I don’t like admitting things about myself to myself. I go with the thought process that some things are better left unsaid. Which is true, because when certain things are realized too much has to be said to fix it. unfortunately, all of this time off from work has driven me insane and cause much too much thinking. If I had a job where I got to sit all day, I could have gone back after two weeks… no such luck.
So with what promises to be my final non weight bearing doctors appointment 48 hours away, I am having a total emotional shut down. Typically, I avoid doing things I don’t like and drop out of things that are too hard for me or find some way around the hard work to get the desired result. Story of my life, I have found short cuts for school, work, life and have been doing brilliantly. As I just realized there is no short cut for this I have totally shut down. There is no short cut, it is too hard and I don’t want to do it. Triple threat. Big, looming, triple threat.
Why is the human body so stupid. It can get injured but it needs the help of a third party to get itself back into gear. It isn’t broken anymore so why can’t I just get up and frolic? So not in the mood for physical therapy. I have no inspiration, no goals, I just want to lay here until medical science comes up with a better human body. Like the movie ‘Surrogates’… you can’t get hurt if you are controlling things from bed with your mind all day. I know what happened in the movie, the real people eventually got hurt but no one broke anything. And if they had, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, their Surrogates were doing the living for them. Real life should work on catching up to science fiction faster.