Cyborg Fusion

It feels like everything is fusing together.  Wierd. Halfway in two days.

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TMI

This post will be too much information so if you don’t want to know me like that don’t read on…

I finally got the courage to shave my leg. Most of  my life, I wanted to be one of those feminists who thought leg shaving was degrading. I was doing great at it until someone circa tenth grade made fun of me for it. Then I decided that I was not strong enough to be a feminist. The fat kid should  not further alienate herself. That line is personal experience, if you can take the criticism better than I can, go on with your bad selves. True life story.

Point is, I never thought I would be so happy to do something that I once thought too time consuming and degrading.   It was a strange experience to feel again, the coldness of the shaving cream, the razor going up my leg. How my once sexy leg now feels  like chicken neck, at least it is hair free now.

Rudeness Everywhere

Why are people so rude? They are just crutches people, crutches! No need to stare! It isn’t like I have a bad ass face tattoo.  Although a face tattoo would be sexier than crutches. Sexy sexy face tattoo. 

I use the words bad ass way too much. Way, way too much. I love it though. Favorite phrase. 

But in all fairness, I don’t think I should be a spectacle.  Crutches are awkward enough without well meaning strangers asking you  mid stride how you are and how it happened. Don’t stare, just let me crutch around in peace. It is people like this that make going outside on crutches more nerve-wracking than trying to take the stairs.

Cheese

“Why are you scrapping cheese off the inside of the container?”

“Cheese. So. Tasty.”

I found, on Livestrong.com that even the bedridden can lose weight. I am following these guidelines to attempt to stave off the inevitable.

This did not stop me from having my first Sonic experience. Not as entertaining as the commercials but so tasty in a way only food that is bad for you can be. I wanted their giant hot dog with the chili and cheese and tater tots. Sweet, delicious tater tots. You have to be pretty special to serve them all of the time. And as a substitute for french fries? Genius. But in my current state, I couldn’t justify eating more that 1,500 calories in a day, let alone a meal. Enter a smiling car hop and a delicious philly cheese steak. At 540 calories, I was happy. No tots though. Sigh.

I will beat my fears with Lance Armstrong as my guide.

I make this look easy!?

I told her it was hard to feel pretty on crutches.

She said I looked graceful on them.

I feel brave now.

I showered by myself for the first time today. Trust me, getting in and out of a shower chair is harder than it looks and having to get help in and out is a very humbling experience. And unlike yesterday, I did not get stuck in the bathtub. When you have a broken ankle it is best not to try to sit in the bathtub.

Lady Governer

One of my friends keeps calling me lady Terminator because of the hardware in my ankle and I a not sure whether or not to think it endearing or not. Though it does make me feel badass.

I keep getting this horrid cramping in my half unless my leg is completely still. I try to research it and the internet has no answers, except to double check to make sure it isn’t a blot clot. It isn’t a blood clot and I would like it to go away now. The pain is keeping me awake.  And I thought it was all down hill from here. 

Google. Failed. Me.

Why does my body hate me?

Edit: I found this some time later: (Credit goes to: http://www.medicinenet.com/muscle_cramps/article.htm)

Injury: Persistent muscle spasm may occur as a protective mechanism following an injury, such as a broken bone. In this instance, the spasm tends to minimize movement and stabilize the area of injury. Injury of the muscle alone may cause the muscle to spasm.

So Dear Body: I want to inform you that it is the casts job to immobalize the joint. Not yours. I repeat NOT YOURS!!! Stop this insanity now and I will forgive you. How dare you put me in more pain. I demand you stop this at once. Isn’t it bad enough that we can’t frolic with our beloved bicycle? Now you don’t want me to stand either. You want me to get fat, eh? Bastard. I know you do. Second, when you spasm like that I can feel the plate in there. So please stop….please please please please please…..I want to sleep and you won’t let me.

I was watching Empire Records. Tomorrow will be like Rex Manning day for me.